The Shameless Parenting Instincts—or Lack Thereof—of King François I

A few weeks ago, I read an article about the diminishing number of children who ride bikes. Half as many kids pedal about these days as did in the 1990s. The story delved into myriad harmful effects of our youngest generation’s loss of independence. Then again, the article warns, there are more cars on the road and speed limits are higher than they were 30 years ago.

These are the kinds of issues that today’s parents obsess over. Decisions from cloth vs. disposable, to rec & ed vs. travel team, to figure skating vs. gymnastics, to ACT vs. SAT prep, to public vs. private university, and countless other conundrums plague today’s parents. In 2023, U.S. adults spent half a billion dollars on apps that promise to help them be better nurturers, and that’s just the tip of the parenting industry iceberg.

That’s why I found it oddly refreshing when, days after reading the above article, I learned about a French king who committed one of the most egregious parenting offenses imaginable. Yet his kids survived.

A Blistering Backdrop

Oh, the woes that ensue when you want to expand your empire! What is it about power-hungry rulers whose narcissistic and sociopathic traits ultimately back them into a corner where the worst aspects of their personality are unmasked in a display of glorious insensitivity? No, I’m not referring to the man who leads the daily news cycle. I’m referring to King François I of France.

To be fair, in the early 16th century, King François found himself surrounded by other power-hungry rulers. In particular, Henry VIII, who wanted to recapture northern France, and an even thornier rival, the Holy Roman Emperor Charles V, who, during François’ reign, controlled northern Italy, Spain, Austria, and a number of smaller possessions neighboring France.

The trouble first began when François I was taken prisoner by Charles V’s army in the Battle of Pavia. While the conflict took place in northern Italy, after capture, François was shuttled from one holding cell to the next until he landed in the top of a tower in Madrid, Spain. There, he was visited repeatedly by Charles’ sister, Eleanor of Austria, who began negotiating a treaty with François that would eventually secure his release.

It was essential for Charles to find a way to bind François to his empire and put an end to over four years of war. François had tried to buy his way to freedom, but Charles had the upper hand and would only free his captive under far more extensive conditions. After nearly a year of imprisonment, François capitulated and signed the punishing Treaty of Madrid.

The terms of the treaty were devastating for France and wildly favorable to Charles V. In addition to renouncing all claims in Italy, François agreed to surrender the territory of Burgundy to Charles and abandon sovereignty over Flanders, Artois, Tournai, and several other smaller possessions. François also agreed to marry Eleanor of Austria, an alliance that Charles hoped would seal the treaty and retain François’ loyalty. Lastly, the beleaguered king pledged to lend French troops and France’s naval fleet to accompany Charles on various campaigns.

The pact was hardly a win-win deal, and Charles had enough insight to know that the likelihood of François abiding by it was slim unless violation resulted in unbearable pain. And so, as part of the guarantee for fulfillment, François agreed to send his two oldest sons, ages 7 and 9, to be held in Spain as collateral.

The Joys of Princehood

Heirs to one of the most important kings in Europe, dauphin François and Henri, duc d’Orléans, led a charmed and indulged life. The two brothers were very close, and the outgoing and clever Henri was said to be the apple of his father’s eye. The boys lived in a variety of royal residences, attended to by a small army of servants, their mother, Claude, aunt Marguerite, and grandmother Louise. Claude died when François was seven and Henri five. Their father’s capture, one year later, must have also been a blow. However, these misfortunes pale in comparison to what lay ahead.

It’s difficult to imagine the explanations that Louise, who was acting head of state and privy to the treaty’s negotiations, may have given to her grandsons as she accompanied them first, on a 6-week journey to Bayonne, and second, on a sailing voyage to Spain. The children were handed over to Spanish custody in the middle of the Bidasoa River, which separates southern France from Spain’s Basque Country.

Spanish officials had anchored a platform in the water, outside the town of Fuenterrabia. Civilians had been cleared for ten miles on either side while hundreds of troops stood guard. As one boat left the Spanish shore, carrying François I, a second boat left the French shore, carrying his children. Whether the children were surprised to see their father that morning or had been expecting to meet him is not clear. What is known, however, is that the exchange was brief. After conveying two quick hugs and a short blessing, François boarded the boat the children had just arrived on and headed to France. Left behind by both father and grandmother, the brothers were taken to a military stronghold.

The Burden of Pawns

Who knows what François I might have been thinking? Narcissists have a way of convincing themselves that everything they want to be true is either true or will be soon. If we give François the benefit of the doubt, the best we can say is that he believed his sons’ confinement would be short-lived. However, such an assessment would be exceedingly generous.

Once freed, François immediately repudiated the Treaty of Madrid, claiming he’d signed under duress. Using Mobius strip-like logic, François declared that since his children had been taken hostage, his judgment was compromised and the concessions forced upon him. Charles V was outraged and not about to let go of his one remaining bargaining chip, the dauphin and his little brother Henri.

Initially, the boys’ treatment was tolerable, but over time, small privileges like playing outside were revoked, and their living conditions deteriorated. They received no tutoring, no playmates, and no activities or books to occupy their time. Their principal source of human interaction outside of each other was Spanish jailors, and by the end of their confinement, neither child remembered how to speak French.

After three years of failed attempts to seize control of portions of Charles V’s empire, François I was finally in a mood to negotiate a deal. It’s notable that the two megomaniacal rulers sent women to work out the terms. François sent his mother, Louise, and Charles sent his aunt, Marguerite of Austria.

The Folly of Men

The Treaty of Cambrai, also known as the Paix des Dames, set forth terms not unlike those in the Treaty of Madrid. François still had to stay out of Italy and surrender his rights to Artois, Flanders, and Tournai. However, he was allowed to keep Burgundy and a handful of possessions. He still had to marry Eleanor, and now there was a ransom to pay. If he wanted to see his sons again, he would need to cough up one million two hundred thousand gold crowns.

Ahhh, but that’s the beauty of being a king. Rarely do you need to pay for anything. You simply ask your subjects to pay for your mistakes, and many will pitch in, hoping their contribution wins them favor at a later date. Other than imposing new taxes on wine, however, François did very little to secure the desired sum.

Once again, it was Louise who stepped up to the plate. After sending an envoy to review her grandsons’ living conditions, she was horrified to learn of their plight. The two were imprisoned in a damp cell with one small iron-barred window. Each boy had a stool for sitting and a hard pallet for sleeping. Louise was not about to wait for her son to come up with the ransom.

Louise appealed to influential allies like Marguerite of Navarre and Henry VIII, who sent valuable jewels. She dispatched deputies throughout France to gather contributions from clergy, business owners, and members of the nobility. The latter group was the least willing to help and only did so after stipulating that the request not set a precedent nor interfere with their seigniorial rights.

It took seven months to raise the money and another three and a half months until the boys were returned to their home.

All’s Well that Ends Well?

As the boys made their way from Bayonne to their childhood home in Amboise, they were greeted by cheering crowds that threw bouquets and waved banners of support. After years of isolation, the journey must have been surreal and destabilizing. Eyewitnesses reported that when François saw his children, he rushed to embrace them, speechless with happiness.

But what about his sons? What were they feeling? Their father remarked that they had changed, particularly Henri. François’ previously effervescent favorite was now ornery and rebellious and the king was disappointed by the absence of princely behavior.

I wasn’t able to find much information on the boys’ recovery other than the fact that they rapidly remastered their native tongue. Less than four years after returning home, the 14-year-old Henri was forced to marry 14-year-old Catherine de Medici. The union allied France with Catherine’s uncle, Pope Clement VII, creating a setback for Charles V. François was so eager to set the marriage in stone that he accompanied the adolescents to their royal bed chamber and ensured the relationship was consummated.

Despite the egregious acts of an extraordinarily self-centered parent, however, Henri appears to have lived a relatively productive life. While he hadn’t wished to marry Catherine, the marriage persisted while Henri spent most of his time with the love of his life, the bewitching Diane de Poitiers. He fathered ten children with Catherine, but each was whisked away from their mother and raised by Diane, who was likely his greatest source of happiness.

The dauphin François died at age 18, probably after being poisoned by one of his father’s enemies. So, it was Henri who succeeded François I to the throne. As kings go, Henri II had his list of accomplishments: military actions, diplomatic agreements, cultural and scientific advancements, religious persecutions, and the introduction of the first system of patents. At the age of 40, Henri succumbed after being injured in a jousting tournament to celebrate the marriage of his daughter. He was dressed in the colors of his mistress.

I don’t mean to suggest that good parenting isn’t worthwhile, but the next time you’re mad at yourself for giving in to later bedtimes or neglecting to control your teen’s screen time, it might be helpful to remember François I. Your kids have it made! That is, unless their names are something like Don Jr. or Ivanka. In that case, they should watch their backs.