This summer I had the rather surreal and surprising experience of traveling in Japan. The surreal aspect of my trip might well have something to do with the 13-hour time difference coupled with Japan’s near-futuristic embrace of technology. I say surprising because my expedition to the land of the rising sun is perhaps one of the least planned travel experiences I’ve ever embarked upon. Before departure, I knew little about Japanese customs, history, current events, language, geography, you name it. Yet, I headed to Tokyo to meet my daughter Rose who might just love all things Japanese as much as I love all things French.
Since returning, I put together a whirlwind video tour, featuring photos from my trip, that you can find near the end of this post. For the skinny on how I became the mother of someone with a Japanese heart and soul, continue reading.
Raising a Japanophile
Like the French philosopher, Michel de Montaigne, I’m not a fan of educational efforts that seek to mold a child into some pre-constructed form that society deems worthy. My approach to parenting has been to expose my kids to lots of ideas and let them discover for themselves what interests them. I’d love it if they were all fluent French speakers and played Mozart but I’ve also cherished—and been more enriched by—watching each one of them set their own unique course.
When Rose was in the second grade, she started to ask me if she could take Japanese lessons. There were several Asian students in her school and when she’d hear them talking among themselves in a different language, she wanted into their phonological club. She knew that I was studying French and figured she could learn to converse with her Asian classmates. Like a buzzing mosquito, she made this desire known on a daily basis. Initially, however, I didn’t think there was much I could do for her. She’d wanted to learn Korean in the first grade, so I thought maybe her enthusiasm would wane.
However, Rose is my most persistent child and as weeks turned into months, I decided I could no longer ignore her linguistic fervor. Over the next few years, we checked out Japanese picture books and early workbooks from the library. I installed Japanese learning apps on my phone that she played with. We bought a Rosetta Stone-like Japanese instruction package for the family computer. Rose made use of everything we threw her way despite the fact that neither I nor my husband Andy spent much time helping her figure out how these programs worked.
By the time Rose was in the fifth grade, I was regularly attending French conversation groups. As you might guess, she wanted to join a Japanese conversation group. Her closest Japanese friend from school had since moved away and she’d consistently been keeping up with her limited studies by herself. She desperately wanted someone to practice with, but her friends and family members found the prospect of studying Japanese about as compelling as memorizing a terms-of-service agreement.
Keep Asking and Yee Shall Receive
Nevertheless, Rose’s persistence and dedication had me regularly searching for Japanese classes for children—online or elsewhere. Time and again, my queries proved fruitless. One evening, however, while attending a bar mitzvah party, I found myself seated next to a Japanese woman—the mother of one of my son’s soccer mates. I told her of my conundrum and Rose’s unwavering fixation. “Well, I was an elementary teacher in Japan,” the woman offered. “I’d love to teach Rose. I taught my own children.”
Over the next five years, Rose regularly received Japanese lessons at this gentle and gifted instructor’s dining room table. All lessons were no pressure and completely under Rose’s control. When she had too much schoolwork, she’d drop her Japanese studies but she’d always resume when she felt she could and gradually, she worked her way through numerous workbooks and readers.
In the 8th grade, Rose was awarded one of two slots at her middle school to travel to our town’s sister city in Hikone, Japan. When Rose began her studies, we’d had no awareness of this exchange program that annually sends delegates from each of Ann Arbor’s middle schools to Japan. The kids stay with host families for a week and attend school. They visit Kyoto and Hiroshima and take part in various cultural events. Now at the age of 13, the quietest member of our family was selected to deliver a speech in Japanese to the mayor and other residents of Hikone.
As a result, we ended up hosting Japanese students in our own home three years in a row. The summer before Rose’s junior year of high school, she spent 4 weeks in Tokyo, living with a host family and attending an intensive language program on weekdays. And, when she came home, we welcomed a year-long exchange student from Istanbul whose mother was Japanese. At the age of 16, this wonderful new addition to our family was and remains fluent in Turkish, English, Italian, and Japanese.
By the time Rose began attending college, she was watching Japanese TV shows without subtitles. She enrolled in second-year classes and continued building her mastery. After finishing her sophomore year, last May, she returned to Tokyo this time for a 6-week intensive at the B2 level.
Tepid Devotion
All along Rose’s unexpected trajectory, I supported her wholeheartedly but I was also candid about my own non-involvement. Rose deeply longed for another member of our family to learn Japanese with her. She regularly prodded me to memorize kanji characters or practice simple vocabulary words and she repeatedly received the same basic reply, “Sorry Rose. It’s just not my thing.” If she wanted to learn Japanese, I would do what I could to provide her with the resources to do so, but she was on her own. I did, however, promise that if she took Japanese in college and went back to Japan as part of a study abroad program, I’d come to visit and she could show me around. Big of me, no?
And so, after 13 years of Rose’s tenacious pursuit of Japanese fluency, the day finally arrived when she led her mother to Shibuya Crossing and expertly explained how to use the subway system. This was her show, not mine. I’d left all the planning of our trip in her hands and now we would do whatever she wanted to do.
Revelations and Rewards
We spent two and half weeks together, visiting Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka, with a brief stop to see Rose’s 8th-grade host family in Hikone. I realized that I’d had no expectations about what I’d find and as such, much of what I experienced was unexpected and thought-provoking. The trip absolutely expanded my understanding of the world and the challenges that lie ahead for humankind.
But the most rewarding part of the journey was simply sharing two and a half dedicated weeks with just one of my children. There was never a moment of friction. We shared our perspectives and plans, our fears and foibles, and heaps of laughter.
When I was pregnant with my son and later with twin girls, I remember looking at my undulating belly and thinking, “there’s a human in there and I have no idea who they are but I’m looking forward to seeing who they become.” Today, unbiased spectator that I am, it seems that each of my kids is an exceedingly delightful person that I respect on numerous fronts. They aren’t yet completely independent but I feel the tide is turning. I’m slowly handing over the reins and have little doubt that whatever path one of them next takes me down will be made richer simply by allowing them to lead the way.
Whirlwind Photo Tour
Endnote
When traveling, I try to read or listen to books that will broaden my understanding of the culture, history, or landscape that I’m visiting. Below are my selections for this trip.
- The Makioka Sisters, by Jun’ichirō Tanizaki, translated by Edward G. Seidensticker. I learned of this Japanese classic from Thoughts on Papyrus. My full review is on Goodreads. 3/5 stars
- Une Affaire de Famille, by Hirokazu Koreeda, translated into French by Corinne Atlan. I stumbled upon this delightful story at a bookstore in Kyoto. It’s nice to see that there are still parts of the world with bookstores that carry titles in many different languages. If you’re looking for a quick, fun novel that gives you insight into a segment of modern-day Japanese society that you’ll likely never encounter, this is an excellent book. 4/5 stars
- Supernova in the East, Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History Podcast. Six 4.5-hour episodes describing the Asia-Pacific War from 1937 to 1945 and zeroing in on the societal influences that led a small island nation to doggedly challenge the superpowers of the world. 5/5 stars
OMG, so beautiful, thanks so much for sharing about your daughter’s passion and your time together. I loved your video.
Bravo to your daughter’s perseverance and her B2 level!
Please convey to her my admiration. She has to know that one of your book buddies is also learning Japanese, lol!
I’m also passionate with everything Japanese. Alas, for many years i told myself I was too old to learn Japanese (I just want to be able to read). But that has changed, and I actually shared about it on my blog this past Wednesday! With a list of resources I use to learn Japanese by myself.
I will probably never be able to go to Japan, budget wise, but that’s ok.
Here is my post: https://wordsandpeace.com/2023/08/09/my-top-resources-to-learn-japanese/
That’s great Emma. If anyone can learn Japanese, starting in their 50s, it’s you. I have great faith not only in your linguistic talent but also your tenacity and passion for language learning. Bravo!
Thanks for sharing the link. I’ll pass it onto Rose. She is currently signed up for the N2 this fall but some of those resources may still be of interest.
OMG, right after visiing your blog, I got a newsletter with this article:
Japon : la Bibliothèque nationale ouvre ses collections en ligne !!
So here is the link, obviously to share with your daughter: https://rnavi.ndl.go.jp/imagebank/en/index.html
That’s so funny. Whenever I travel, I like to visit the local bookstores and libraries. My hotel in Tokyo happened to be in the government district, something I hadn’t realized at the time that I booked. While Rose was in classes one day, I decided to check out the National Diet Library that was less than a half mile away.
I wondered if it might be like our Library of Congress with exhibits as well as a massive collection. Anyway, it was not and when I arrived, I learned from a greeter that only people with library cards could enter the building. She didn’t speak English well but I managed to figure out that library cards were free and were easy to obtain. Thus began a comical process of me filling out an application for a library card.
Some of the instructions were in English but their translations are surprisingly bad. Nevertheless, I managed to complete the application and hand it in. The clerk gestured for me to take a seat in a waiting area that reminded me of the DMV. Soon, someone was beckoning for me to come and get my picture taken. After the click, I was handed a library card, good for two years, that I could use to enter the building and it entitles me to free access to the library that you referenced! 🙂
I found a corner in the modern, multi-story atrium, where I could read and write in a journal. It’s probably not the way the typical tourist hopes to spend an afternoon in Tokyo but for me it was a small triumph.
Kudos for letting your kids follow their own interests. It means they really learn — even difficult subjects seem much easier when you have a natural enthusiasm for them.
I’ve been to Japan myself, but that was almost thirty years ago and it has probably changed quite a bit since then.
It’s interesting that you and Rose each developed such a fascination with a foreign culture. It shows an openness to the variety of the world. What I’ve never understood is the kind of person who feels suspicious and almost fearful toward anything unfamiliar.
Yes, I’m glad my kids are open to new experiences. Variety is the spice of life.
Amazing. She is not the one going to Sciences Po this Fall, is she?
I think you raised your kids well. One of the keys being to be open to the world…
Montaigne said something about that though somewhat to the contrary, when the first Native Americans were brought on a ship to La Rochelle I think. He went to the harbour and said something like “Je crains que nous n’ayons les yeux plus gros que le ventre”… An old French expression meaning to grasp more than one can actually take. His vision of this entirely new world opening up, was that he doubted whether Europeans could actually “live up to it.” An interesting thought.
At any rate, “domo arigato” for an intriguing post and my compliments to your daughter. One does need very big eyes to have a go at this big world of ours…
Rose’s twin is going to Sciences Po. My son did a semester in Budapest a couple years ago. So, they each will end up with very different overseas experiences.
Montaigne’s view of the New World sounds very interesting. I’d like to know more about it. He was certainly a fascinating and insightful figure.
Il me semble que nous les Américains (la majorité venue de l’Europe) avons toujours « les yeux plus gros que le ventre ». Bonne semaine Brieuc.
“Les voyages forment la jeunesse.” and old French saying. Forgot who the author was…
very different experiences indeed. Good.
(I sometimes wonder exactly who I am… )
Montaigne… I’ve read about 60% of his Essays. Some may claim to have read all, compliments. They are fascinating, both about the time he lived in and about his reflections on life. I have no idea where this particular passage might be… I’ll have a look.
C’est peut-être un trait des Américains… Mais aussi une des clés de leurs succés? Never balk before the task?
Bonne semaine back, “Carole”
Picked up my copy of the “Essais”. I was too optimistic. I only read 299 pages out of 799. LOL. Still have 500 more to go. Banged the book on my knee to shake te dust… back up on the To-Read shelf…
Couldn’t find the quote’s location easily. Resorted to Boogle… Here it is:
Livre I
Chapitre XXX
Des cannibales
Quand le roi Pyrrhus passa en Italie, après qu’il eut reconnu l’ordonnance de l’armée que
les Romains lui envoyaient au-devant : « Je ne sais, dit-il, quels barbares sont ceux-ci (car les
Grecs appelaient ainsi toutes les nations étrangères) mais la disposition de cette armée que je
vois, n’est aucunement barbare. » Autant en dirent les Grecs de celle que Flaminius fit passer
en leur pays, et Philippe, voyant d’un tertre l’ordre et distribution du camp Romain en son
Royaume, sous Publius Sulpicius Galba. Voilà comment il se faut garder de s’attarder aux
opinions vulgaires, et les faut juger par la voie de la raison, non par la voix commune.
J’ai eu longtemps avec moi un homme qui avait demeuré dix ou douze ans en cet autre
monde qui a été découvert en notre siècle, en l’endroit où Villegagnon prit terre, qu’il
surnomma la France Antarctique. Cette découverte d’un pays infini semble de considération.
Je ne sais si je me puis répondre qu’il ne s’en fasse à l’avenir quelque autre, tant de
personnages plus grands que nous ayant été trompés en celle-ci. J’ai peur que nous ayons les
yeux plus grands que 1e ventre, et plus de curiosité que nous n’avons de capacité : nous
embrassons tout, mais nous n’étreignons que du vent.
And here’s the link to more. It’s actually a pdf link that you can download…
http://blog.ac-versailles.fr/lelu/public/Montaigne/01_Montaigne_texte_Cannibales_Coches.pdf
I admire your daughter’s commitment at learning Japanese! I wish I had that at her age. How great that she ended up taking Japanese in college.
Yes her tenacity has been surprising. Who knows where it will lead. At the very least, her studies have provided her with hours of enjoyment and much satisfaction. Thanks for stopping by.
Welcome back, Carol! This is a delightful story about the richness that good parenting brings to both generations. Unfortunately, I couldn’t access the video. I’ll try again on my computer tomorrow.
We learn so much from our children!
Thanks Annie. I just made some updates to my blog so maybe the embedded video will work for you now. If not, you can access the video directly on YouTube at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EakmNp30MyE
Nice! And immediately following was a George Carlin video.
Excellent!
What a great story — you encouraged without crowding her — lovely <3
Thanks for the shout-out. That was a very interesting read for me and I admire your daughter’s devotion to all things Japanese. It is a difficult language, but it is also very rewarding, as I am sure you know. I have heard great things about host-family staying in Japan, too, so that was also interesting to read. And, it is great that your family is so multi-lingual and multi-cultural. In my opinion, that they are certain French and Japanese cultural points of overlap, and your daughter’s pursuit of Japan may not be that far from France. I believe both the French and Japanese can intuitively understand both nuance and subtlety, something which other nationalities have a lot more trouble with.
It would be my 4th year of studying Japanese almost on my own at 30+ years of age (and English is not my native). I took many online classes, but for some reason or other always found them lacking in something, be it rigour or consistency. And I struggled a lot with the language, especially with listening, but seems to have now bypassed that gruelling beginner stage where your brain tries to accustom itself to verbs and not nouns ending every sentence. I definitely agree that it is hard to keep practising and find good classes especially if your immediate friends are not interested. My Japanese JLPT test is booked for July in London, UK, but I would have to study for it all on my own (My Japanese Learning post will soon be up, too).
I also had no idea that Koreeda’s Shoplifters is a book as I know it only as a film. Is it an adapted screenplay? I agree with you, Koreeda has much to say about contemporary Japan (as Ozu had a lot to say about the post-war one).